


Dead Like You

by ElizaStyx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism, Anal Sex, Angst, Bartender Sam, Body Worship, Bodyswap, Car Accidents, Death, Destiel if you squint - Freeform, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, Heaven, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, I am officially an asshole, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mourning, Murderous Lamps, My Little Vengeance (TM) on S.E. Hinton, Reaper Gabriel, Reaper Sam, Reapers, Sam dies but not really, Secrets, Sibling Incest, Smut, also Gabriel might have a crush on Sam, but God how much fun I'm having, saying goodbye, some things untagged for spoilers, you'll never know - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaStyx/pseuds/ElizaStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam had always expected some light at the end of a tunnel, maybe singing choirs of angels (that would be really nice), and generally this religious sort of crap awaiting him after he meets his unavoidable end one day. What actually greets him on the other side is a sight of his own dead body at his feet and a short, absolutely unmoved man by his side.<br/>"I'm Gabriel." the man introduces himself, calmly eating a chocolate bar. "Ah, and I'm still not sure what the banner should say. Tell me, do you like <em>Rest in peace</em> or rather <em>Welcome aboard!</em> better?"<br/><br/>Death is most certainly not what Sam had signed up for.<br/><br/>Soon he receives a new body, new name and a new life, or well, an existence of some sorts. The good thing is that there's Gabriel to help him deal with his new, unusual job. The bad one is that there's also Dean. Dean who can't know that Sam's not really gone, Dean who has no one to help him deal with it, Dean who tries to drink himself at least into oblivion, if not to death. And Sam's not having any of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The lore in this fic is based on Bryan Fuller's TV Show [Dead Like Me](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0348913/). It's hilarious and I really loved the way the reapers were shown there. I believe it kinda shows in this piece ;) If you haven't seen the series though, don't panic, everything will be explained (and you'll actually be more shocked when the grand plot twist is revealed) :) Now... enjoy the reading! All kudos and comments highly appreciated ;)

"This is just the weirdest dream ever, right?" Sam Winchester hesitantly looked down at his dead body. "I'm gonna wake up in my own bed soon and I'll have a really good laugh at it all."  
"Hate to break it to you, kiddo, but I'm afraid not." the short man, Gabriel as he introduced himself, sighed and crimped the wrapper as he finished his chocolate bar. "You are pretty much dead now. A reaper, to be precise. Killed by a murderous lamp."  
"Dude, how big are odds of this happening, huh?" Sam tucked his hands into his pockets. "I mean, who the hell throws lamps out of their windows?" he kicked the bloodstained lampshade.  
"Angry douchebags?" Gabriel looked at him somehow apologetically. "Look, Sam, if it makes it any easier, I've heard of more stupid deaths. One girl, for example, got hit by a toilet desk from a space station. Can you believe that?"  
"Uhm, well..." Sam blinked few times, imagining a cosmic toilet. "I've changed my mind, my lamp seems to be an okay option..." it just felt so weird to look at himself lying there.

Gabriel glanced at him curiously. "You know, you are shockingly fast at accepting your death..."  
"I'm just adaptive, I guess." Sam shrugged, unglueing his eyes from the body and focusing on the man. "So what do I do now?"  
"Well, next comes the fun part. We attend your funeral, not everyone gets a chance like this so it's worth appreciating, and once you're buried you'll gain a brand new material form." Gabriel ogled him. "Quite a shame, really." he clucked. "And then the work starts. I'll help to get you started, of course."  
"My work?" Sam raised his brow.  
"Haven't I told you you're a reaper now? You'll reap human souls. Sounds unique, right?" Gabriel grinned. "And then you've gotta get yourself a regular job too, I won't be your nanny forever and I suck at sharing space." he waggled his eyebrows.

Sam frowned as if uncertain he grasped the concept but before he asked any futher questions, the first sirens wailed in the distance and he noticed bystanders starting to gather around them.  
"Come on, let's get going now." Gabriel gripped Sam's arm and pulled him through the crowd, people fully oblivious to their presence. 

***

It was really a bizzare experience, looking at your own coffin being put down under the ground. Sam's face went pale and Gabriel was relieved to finally see him show some kind of emotion. He had some misgivings that Sam might have been a psychopatic murderer or a soulless robot, judging by his total lack of reaction to his own death.

Truth was that the initial shock made Sam somehow detached from everything that had happened. The smell of fresh, wet soil was bringing him back to reality. That and Dean. Until that moment Sam hadn't thought about his brother, blocking out all that could bring him pain but now that he saw Dean and all the suffering so clear on that beloved face, he just couldn't ignore it any longer. Dean looked somehow smaller, his face grey and eyes teary, red rimmed. A sharp ache pierced through Sam's heart. He approached Dean and tried to place a hand on his shoulder but he still wasn't material and it went right through Dean's body.

Sam huffed sadly and immediately he felt someone touch his arm. He turned around to see Gabriel with a compassionate smile on his face.  
"You have to let him go." he said. "You both need to move on. Even if you meet him later, he won't recognize you and he won't believe you, if you tell him who you really are. It's better to let go now, trust me." he sounded encouragingly.

Sam looked at Dean, his strangely ashy freckles and his eyeleshes still wet with tears. Dean could use a hug and so did Sam. He glanced at Gabriel, clenching his jaw.

"It's time, Sam." Gabriel whispered.  
Half a minute passed in silence before Sam nodded his head. They left the ceremony.

***

Gabriel handed Sam a bottle of beer. "Here, you probably need it." he grinned as Sam took it. "There are also some perks of being a reaper, you know. Like no hangover, for example."  
"So I can't get drunk?" Sam made a sad face and took a swig.  
Gabriel licked his lip, not really sure what to answer to that. He took a nervous look around his uninteresting apartment.

"Hey." he finally said. "Wanna see your new body?"  
"What?" Sam almost choked on the beer and anxiously eyed his hands; they seemed normal, still his.  
"You see your old self." Gabriel chuckled at his display of panic. "And so do I. You also see the old me." he stood up. "Come on, Samsquatch, let's take a look." he led Sam to the mirror.

Sam looked into it curiously and experimentally raised his hand to see whether the stranger on the other side would do the same.

"I must admit" Gabriel nodded with appreciation. "it's not so bad."  
"Dude, I seem so much shorter than I really am. How's that even possible?" Sam patted the crown of his head.  
"Magic, man." Gabriel shrugged. "How do you like us?"  
"Nice beard." Sam made a smug face and earned himself a poke.  
"You, on the other hand, lost some of your lucious locks." Gabriel grinned. "Must be painful."  
"I can live with permanent sex hair too, you know." Sam squinted at himself, running his fingers through the mess on his head. "I actually like this body." he turned around to see his back side. "Runners ass, someone upstairs likes me."  
Gabriel couldn't help staring. "I also feel kinda liked more today." he confessed.

***

"So what, they all see me as this dude?" Sam raised his new ID.  
"Yeah, only reapers can see your past self." Gabriel nodded and opened his mouth to add something more but a waitress approached them.  
"A refill for you, gentlemen?" she asked.  
"Yes, please." Gabriel smiled at her and she winked at him.

When she walked away, a huge grin appeared on Sam's face. "She apparently has a thing for bearded dudes."  
"Back off, would you?" Gabriel took a sip of his coffee but Sam's grin didn't disappear so Gabriel rolled his eyes. "I have your first job here." he said and took out a notebook. He opened it up and picked a yellow sticky note he then handed to Sam. "Your very first soul to reap, Sam." he raised his brow. "Excited?"  
"Not really, if I have to kill this person." Sam glanced at the note. "S.E. Hinton" he read. "and a date. In an hour, not so far from here."  
"You are not killing anyone." Gabe snorted. "We're actually making their deaths painless and help them move on to their better place." he raised his head up high in a sense of noble mission.

"Wait... Why didn't I move on then?" Sam leaned towards him curiously.  
"Well, you were Kevin's last reap." Gabriel shrugged and stuck a spoon into his mouth to lick the cream off. "He went on, you had to replace him."  
"He went on instead of me?" Sam raised his brows in disbelief.  
"That's the way it works, kiddo." Gabriel avoided looking at him. "After a certain number of reaps you go on and your last reap takes your place. No one knows how many souls they need to reap before they are free."  
"This sucks." Sam leaned back, exhaling heavily. "How long have you been a reaper?"  
"Ten years." Gabriel said without any emotion. "Kevin served for fourty. I know ones who worked longer and ones that went on quicker. There really are no rules."  
"Great. Just..." Sam gritted his teeth. "Great."  
"Come on..." Gabriel patted Sam's hand. "Always look at the bright side of life - you're stuck with me and I'm awesome." he winked. "Now, now, finish up and let's get to work."  
Sam glanced at him rebelliously at first but eventually drunk the rest of his coffee in one gulp.

***

"Now watch carefully." Gabriel stopped by the side of the road. "Judging from the location, it's gonna be an accident of some sorts. We gotta find your person before it happens."  
"How do we do that?" Sam felt equally anxious and curious.  
"Just observe everything carefully, you'll surely see." Gabriel narrowed his eyes. "Oh yes, there!" he pointed towards the road going up the hill. "See that truck? The driver didn't pull the handbrake."

Sam could see the truck slowly start to move down towards them. He also could swear he could see a strange shape disappear between the other cars but he didn't have time to think about that.

"And here comes the client." Gabriel pointed at a woman that was talking loudly on her phone and carelessly approaching the road. "Now quick, you gotta touch her before the truck hits her. It'll spare her the pain."  
"What?" Sam opened his eyes wide in surprise but Gabriel pushed him towards the lady and he stumbled upon her. "Sorry." he muttered and his hand slid across her arm.  
A golden glow enlightened the line his hand had traced and Sam stared at his palm for a second with disbelief. The woman paid him no attention, still talking and then stepping right in front of the speeding truck.  
"No!" Sam shouted but it was too late.

A very confused S.E. Hinton appeared by Sam's side a moment later. She was still holding her phone although it went silent.  
"The hell?" she growled. "Stupid trash." she threw the phone to crash it on the pavement but it disappeared mid-air. She made a confused face.

"Great job." Gabriel patted Sam's shoulder, while Sam still seemed a bit out. "Mistress Hinton..." he turned to the woman.  
"Do I know you?" she narrowed her eyes angrily. "I wasn't done calling him names, you know? Kinda rude killing me like that. I'm so gonna block someone today, I swear." she huffed.  
"I'm afraid you are dead, mistress Hinton." Sam finally gathered his wits. "What now?" he hissed to Gabe fearfully.  
"I am perfectly aware that I'm dead, big boy." S.E. Hinton laughted loudly. "Haters will be delighted." she grimaced. "So what now? Am I a ghost or what?"  
"No, you're not a ghost. At least not in a haunting sense." Gabriel reassured her. "Look." he pointed to the left.

Out of nowhere there appeared something that looked like a gate made out of pure light. Sam could swear he heard a horse neigh and hooves stomp.  
"To move on to your heaven you just have to go through that gate." Gabriel smiled softly.  
"This better be good." she eyed Gabe and then Sam. "If it's not, I'm gonna find you on twitter and destroy you both."  
"Of course." Gabriel didn't look moved by this threat. "I promise it's all you want it to be."  
Sam just stood there frozen to his spot. S.E. Hinton snorted and then without any goodbye walked through the gate to disappear along with it a moment later.

Sam looked pretty haunted and Gabriel patted his shoulder again. "Piece of cake, Sammy. You're gonna do well." he smiled reassuringly.

Sam definitely needed some time to proceed.

***

Gabriel waltzed into the bar and stumbled onto a stool by the counter. Sam gave him a tired look.  
"So... How's the first day of your work by far?" dauntless Gabe asked him.  
"Not what I had in mind when going to Stanford?" Sam exhaled heavily, squeezing one eye in dissatisfaction.  
"Come on, can't be that bad." Gabriel's smile softened. "You can always keep looking for something more rewarding."  
"I think I will." Sam picked a glass and started polishing it, even though it was clean. "Why are you even here? Aren't you tired of my company yet?"  
"I have a reap nearby." Gabriel shrugged. "I wanted to check up on you."  
"Thanks." Sam glanced at him. "I guess?"

A silence fell between them and Gabriel looked down at the counter. He waited a moment longer before he asked the question he came there with in the first place.  
"You're dealing with it, right?" his voice was serious.  
"Watching someone die a tragic death isn't really that entertaining." Sam placed the glass down. "But I'm coping, I believe."  
"Good." Gabriel smiled warmly once again. "I'll get going then. See you later." he winked and left, Sam's eyes following him to the door.

Sam sighed, still observing the entrance, even after it closed behind Gabe. Before he turned his gaze away though, the door opened again and into the bar came Dean Winchester. Sam froze at the sight of his brother. Dean looked wrecked, even worse than at the funeral, and Sam found it suddenly really hard to breahte. Not that he could suffocate as a reaper but it still was pretty unpleasant a feeling. However, Dean didn't seem to notice him or his suspicious reaction. He sat down heavily on the stool that Gabriel had previously occupied and waved at Sam. Sam gathered his wits, with sheer willpower stopping his hands and voice from trembling.

"Hello, what can I get you tonight?" he grinned nervously.  
He had no idea how his voice sounded now but it clearly made Dean twitch and focus his sight on him. Seeing these green eyes so lifeless was unbearable.  
"Scotch, I guess." Dean's voice was raspy.  
"Sure." Sam poured him a drink and returned to his pointless task of polishing clean mugs.

Dean was certainly not treating his alcohol with kid gloves. No more than two minutes later he asked for a refill and Sam could feel himself going all pale and awkward. Two refills later he just couldn't help himself and turned to Dean directly. "Hey, man, are you okay?"  
Dean looked at him as if he had just grown a second head. "Yeah, totally, man." he took a sip of his liquor. "Just peachy. Why ask?" his eyes somehow stuck to Sam and Sam started to sweat.  
"Just to ask?" he looked at Dean with big, pleading eyes, hoping to hypnotize him to make him forget the topic. "I'm new here. In this town and to this work." he didn't stop staring.  
"Interesting place, huh?" Dean chuckled bitterly, lowering his gaze. "Most fascinating news is a truck running over some horseloving writer." he shook his head. "The only thing people are good at here is dying." he pointed at Sam's chest. "I'm gonna give you a piece of advice, buddy. Run. Run away, while you still can. Literally any place is better than this one."  
Sam allowed a crooked smile to appear on his lips. "Oh, it can't really be that bad..."  
"Trust me on this one." Dean sounded like an experienced veteran.

After a moment of silence he tapped the counter, demanding another drink.  
"I believe you've had enough." Sam raised his brow. "Trust me on this one."  
"Ah, what can you know about them old drunks, newbie?" Dean snorted.  
"I've seen my brother drunk enough times." Sam said it before he noticed what was actually escaping his mouth. He froze waiting for Dean's reaction. Dean visibly tensed up.

"Yeah, you're probably right..." he admitted after a while. "Enough for me." he smiled weakly and took out his wallet to pay. "Thank you." he added. "It was nice meeting you." he reached out towards Sam.  
Sam shook his hand. "Nice too meet you too."  
Dean eyed him carefully and then clearly made some decision. "I'm Dean Winchester."  
Sam couldn't help smiling. "Castiel Novak."


	2. Chapter 2

Sam was going to hell, it was official. Gabriel told him not to approach Dean in any way, avoid him at all costs but Sam just couldn't. Especially as Dean was the one doing most of the approaching.

After their first meeting at the bar, he kept returning. At first he was just silently sitting there and sipping his drinks but soon he started looking for any possible excuse to talk to Sam, or rather Cas, as he started calling him.

In the beginning Sam had all kinds of mixed feelings about this. He was happy to see Dean and be able to have a little chat with him but then Dean begun behaving oddly. Oddly as in flirty, which came as a surprise to Sam. It was making him behave all awkward and dorky and Dean seemed just to love having that effect on him. Sam liked seeing the joy return onto Dean's face in those moments so maybe, just maybe, he was doing things more awkwardly than necessary, smiling a goofy gummy smile that probably had some magical properties.

Three weeks into their new relationship he heard Dean laugh for the first time. It was a sincere, full-body laughter and it made Sam's heart flutter with happiness. Dean was also drinking much less by then. In fact, soon his orders were often limited to a bare necessity that could serve as a pretext to occupy a stool in the bar. Sam just couldn't hide this spark of joy appearing in his eyes as he observed his brother return to his old, lively self.

Sam had also learned a lot about Dean's current situation. Dean could talk for hours about his work at Bobby's, his new house, and his little garden that needed unexplainably enormous amount of attention not to turn into a jungle. Sam loved hearing Dean babble about whatever was on his mind. The only topic that never came up was family and Sam could imagine why. He knew that a person one had just met would proably be curious enough to ask but he didn't care if Dean thought him unusual upon noticing his lack of interest. He just couldn't force him to go back onto the memory lane right after he had begun to feel better.

The first thing Sam had to admit with surprise was that the most delightful part of their conversations became Dean trying to hit on him. It was a bit like a fun challenge for him, trying to twist and interpret the words in such a way that Dean ended up extremely confused and unsure if Sam was flirting back or not. Sam was devillishly good at it, especially as Dean was never taking a direct approach. Sometimes the romantic atmosphere was being shattered so dramatically that Sam felt guilty for spoiling the mood in such an obnoxious way. This was what he should have been doing though so still there were more profits than harm done. Until, of course, it all started growing on him. He begun catching himself lost in Dean's eyes more often than not and it was pulling his strings in a way he was really ashamed of. In the moments like these, he was thankful he had his unusual secret job to think of and hopefully take his mind off Dean's freckled face and bright smile.

Sam kept reaping without any real troubles, except for one unfortunate accident where he didn't manage to touch the person before the fact and their soul ended up more than confused with the head halfly chopped off. Apart from that though, he didn't need Gabriel's help anymore. In a month he had found a nice flat for himself to rent and became a person of his own again, only needing to contact Gabe in order to get the names. Gabriel seemed somehow unhappy about that and Sam always felt this pang of guilt when he chose not to stay with him even a minute longer than necessary but this was what he had to do. He realised that Gabriel probably expected him to be his best buddy now but Sam couldn't have it. He was too afraid that even during a short meeting he could say a wee bit too much and make Gabriel suspicious enough to follow Sam to the bar and find out the truth about Dean. That was why Sam kept pushing him farther, trying to keep their relationship strictly professional. Gabriel just couldn't find Dean so close to Sam. Especially as 'so close' was turning into 'dangerously close' while Sam didn't really mind it.

This was just another reason to feel guilty, this inability to stop recklessly teasing Dean, luring him in, while lying about his real identity. But Sam just couldn't help himself. He saw Dean in a completely different light through the blue eyes of a stranger and he truly was helpless, unable to stop himself from falling for him. That was the truth he was so scared to admit even before himself, left alone the alien reflection he kept finding staring at him from the mirror. This little game he was playing was really dangerous and his guilt was taking over sometimes, making him not only smash the atmosphere to pieces but also push Dean away with words rude and hurtful. He felt even worse understanding how unfair of him that was.

Dean was seeing only this Castiel dude and thinking about him only in the categories of a friend to flirt with or maybe a considerable date but never actually recognising Sam behing this mask. Sam couldn't blame him, he also barely knew Dean's flirty side so he would probably have troubles realising it's him, were the situation reversed but... he wasn't Castiel. Not really. He still was Sam and he still was Dean's brother, which made what they were pursuing plainly wrong.

And yet he stopped looking for a better job, deciding to stick to this bar and to stick to Dean. He was probably addicted. Sometimes he felt like drowning himself in holy water for all the unholy thoughts he had about Dean's hands and lips. He could stare at them for hours and he did. Dean didn't seem to mind, often smirking smugly and then putting on some little shows for his eyes only.

Yeah, Sam was going to hell.

***

There was only one thing Dean Winchester could be sure of. For certain there were some devils downstairs already preparing a grand cauldron of boiling oil just for him. He knew he was supposed to look like a fresh widower, having lost the only family member he had left but he just couldn't help smiling at this Castiel dude. Castiel was just super cute, super smart and hell if Dean couldn't appreciate that. Damn, Dean truly loved his brother, maybe even a little too much to call it healthy, but he was sure Sam wouldn't mind him falling in love and pursuing happiness instead of mourning him in a depressive atmosphere of digested alcohol and unwashed socks.

 _Sammy would want you to be happy._ he kept telling himself every time he blushed, being caught by Castiel's intense eyes.

This whole situation was truly making him think a lot, consider all options. Castiel was sometimes behaving weirdly, sending mixed singals, at times pushing him away pretty badly and then again seeming to be totally into Dean. It was confusing but it was also a clear indication of a challenge and Dean could enjoy one, if the prize was worth it. And damn, if Cas wasn't with his messy hair, radiant eyes and skilfull hands straight from an erotic dream. Dreaming about those hands instead of the ones he used to felt like an infidelity but it wasn't really his fault. It was his dirty mind, having all the ideas for things he could do with that sweet bartender.

At first, Dean hadn't planned on flirting with that man but it sort of happened anyway in baby steps and Dean was more glad with every passing day that it did. He started feeling alive again and in order to finally become whole, return to his old self, he needed to take it one step further.

***

Sam felt a pang of anxious excitement as he saw Dean walk into the bar like he owned it, an air of self-confidence surrounding him, fitting him like a second skin.  
"Evenin', Dean." he greeted him in a neautrally friendly way.  
"Hey, Cas." Dean took his usual sit right before him. "How's it going?"  
"Well, I guess." Sam smiled. "I put together a new bookshelf, my flat finally feels like home."  
"I see." Dean leaned towards him, his forearms resting on the counter.  
For a while they fell silent, just staring at each other, Dean's smile somehow predatory.

"What can I get you tonight, Dean?" Sam involuntarily leaned down towards him.  
"I would love me something really sweet." Dean was smug and looked at Sam from beneath his eyelashes. "For instance you."  
"Oh." Sam froze, feeling a blush creep up his neck.

He knew he shouldn't have allowed that to happen but God, he wanted this so much. Dean was inches from him, letting him make his mind up and Sam was too fucking weak to back away. He only had enough courage to lick his lip and keep looking into Dean's eyes instead of pulling him close just as brutally as he would love to. Dean watched his tongue's minute movement and then gave him an intent look, slowly leaning in. So slowly that Sam wanted to scream. He couldn't though, trapped by this intense stare and waiting for it to happen.

Dean tasted of their home, of all the good things Sam missed. His lips were warm and soft. Sam knew that Dean secretly despised their 'feminine' shape but Sam surely loved it, loved the way they collapsed with his own. He pulled Dean's lower lip between his teeth and bit it delicately, feeling exactly how plump it was. A silent groan escaped Dean's mouth and he opened it for Sam to enter. Sam gripped Dean's head and pulled him closer, burning to feel more, so much more. He was painfully hard, aching to come shamelessly right there, in case getting to touch Dean with the whole extent of his skin really soon wasn't an option. It started getting out of hand on both sides so Dean trailed away just enough to catch his breath and licked his puffy lips, eyes never leaving Sam's.

"How long before you get off?" he asked silently, his voice thick with lust.

Sam was too breathless to think properly, even though some tiny, sensible part of his mind was still screaming for him to stop it right this instant.   
"Half an hour." he said. He was too deep in to care. He just wanted Dean and Dean wanted... Castiel. But that was fine. Maybe Sam wasn't Cas but Cas sure as hell was Sam. And they both craved Dean.

***

Gabriel was worried about Sam. Reapers usually stuck together even after they got a hang of their job, not really eager to start a new life, fearing they could forget the old one, forget who they were. And yet Sam moved on. It seemed unnatural to detach from his mentor so quickly. It was suspicious and Gabriel was not only hurt but also afraid of what might have been standing behind it. He decided to give up on courtesies and spy on Sam a little. Just enough to check whether he was really okay.

As a result of that decision, Gabriel had to hide in an alley behind the bar Sam worked in and wait to see if Sam would leave on time and if he would be alone. What he completely didn't expect was Sam stumbling right behind him out of the backdoor, his hands and mouth all over somebody equally engulfed in their activities.

Gabriel froze, feeling the heat raise in his cheeks. Sam and the object of his amours were fully oblivious to his presence until Sam stuck his hand into the other man's pants and Gabriel gasped loudly, not quite prepared to watch this happening. At that sound, the explosion of love stopped abruptly and two sights zeroed in on Gabe. In the dim light of the streetlamp Gabriel finally saw the face of Sam's hook-up and he went from beet red to pale over the course of a second.

Sam Winchester was really trying to score his own brother. No wonder he didn't want Gabriel anywhere around.

"Benny..." Sam was at least still conscious enough to use Gabriel's fake name.

Dean glanced between them, obviously mortified too much to notice Sam's hand still buried deep in his pants and wrapped around his cock.

"Are you even fucking serious now?" Gabriel shook his head in disbelief. "How are you even..." he was at a loss of words. "Okay. Whatever." he finally lowered his head in defeat. "You know, it's just... too fucked up. Unfair, really."

Sam inhaled sharply, suddenly becoming visibly angrier and finally taking his hand out from where it wandered before. "You can't tell me what to do." there was a dare in his voice.  
"I obviously can't, **Castiel**." Gabriel stressed the name. "But it's a lie. Everything's a lie and you will soon regret this."  
"I won't. End of story. I know what I'm doing." Sam sounded adamant and grabbed Dean's hand to pull him past Gabriel. "This chat's over, Benny. Now and forever. Come on, Dean." he stormed out on the main street, leaving Gabe behind and not looking back.

Dean was still dumbstruck as he eyed Gabriel quickly and obediently followed Sam's lead.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time they've reached Sam's flat, all the anger and confusion faltered a little and they might have even be able to pretend that nothing weird had just happened, if only Sam was more drunk and more eager to ignore the truth in Gabriel's words. He clenched his jaw and frowned, not really paying any attention to Dean who seemed a bit lost in Sam's apartment.

Dean carefully measured his surroundings and decided to take his jacket off. He then approached Sam and gently proceeded to do the same for him, unwrapping him from his most outer layer of clothes. Eventually Sam's gaze focused on him and he relaxed a bit, helping Dean to get this jacket off.

"Psycho ex?" Dean muttered, toying with the top button of his plaid shirt.  
"More like a friend I've never asked for." Sam sighed.  
An impish smile appeared on Dean's face. "Good. I would have to remodel his face, if he were to claim you back." he winked.  
Sam licked his lips, feeling a throb in his groin.

Dean's pupils were slowly dilating as he kept holding Sam's gaze and begun taking his shirt off. Sam felt a breath get caught in his throat. Fuck, Dean really was into him. With hungry eyes he devoured every inch of skin that appeared before his eyes. Flat but not too muscly a stomach, broad chest, perky nipples and well-build arms. So many spots he would love to touch and learn by heart. His mouth went dry.

"Enjoying the show?" Dean slid his hands towards his belt buckle, biting his lip and glancing at Sam somehow sheepishly.

And Gabriel's words hit Sam so hard he almost forgot how to breathe. He couldn't do that. It was so wrong because Dean didn't know.

 _He doesn't need to ever learn_. a lustful voice in his head spoke.  
_But you will know._ responded his voice of reason. _It will torture you until you confess and then Dean will freak out. It will break him, hurt him so bad._  
_You will have years to worry about this. As for now... Screw it._ the first voice was alluring. _And screw your brother. You've always wanted to do it anyway._  
_Would Dean want it too, if he knew?_ the reasonable side was calm and making Sam feel seriously shitty as the situation started looking kind of rapey.

"Wait, Dean." he said and he really fucking hated the way Dean's face dropped.  
"Is something wrong, Cas?" Dean was genuinely worried and goddammit, this nickname would do it, if the logical arguments hadn't.  
"I can't." Sam muttered quietly. "I'm sorry. I just... I think we really shouldn't."

Dean looked as if Sam had just slapped him hard. His cheeks were burning as he picked up his discarded shirt and put it on with shaky hands.  
"Dean..." Sam really wished he hadn't responded to Dean's flirting in the first place; he had been so stupid wanting this and now they were both feeling like shit. "Please, don't feel bad about this. I just really, really..."  
"What? You can't?" Dean barked out with bitter laughter. "You know, you could have told me earlier that you needed more time. Or you know, that you're not really interested. We could have taken it slower or not at all." he shook his head. "Not really an option to undo this now, huh?" he put his jacket on and glanced at Sam one more time. "You're alright?" he really cared, even if Sam hurt him turning him down.  
"I'm sorry." Sam repeated, truly on the verge of tears, which wasn't making it any easier.  
"I've heard that." Dean took a step towards him and stopped, still in a safe distance. "And I'm asking seriously - are you okay?"  
"Not really." at least here Sam could be honest. "But I'll manage."

Dean lowered his gaze. "I can stay the night if you want me to." he offered, not looking him in the eye. "I promise I won't touch you in any way you won't ask me to. I can just, you know, be there." he shrugged. "That is, of course, if you need me."  
Sam was speechless for a while, realising how much exactly he loved Dean. "Thank you." he said. "I would appreciate that." his smile was weak but it was definitely there when Dean raised his head back up. "I'll make us some hot chocolate, you like that?"  
A sparkle of interest appeared in Dean's eyes. "With marshmallows?"  
"Yeah, with marshmallows." Sam smiled boldier.  
Dean got rid of his jacket ridiculously fast.

***

"I didn't fuck him." Sam announced, throwing his bag onto the table and sitting down opposite to Gabriel. "Feeling proud of yourself yet?"

Gabriel looked up at him from above his newspaper and blinked owlishly. Sam actually talking to him was an extremely uncommon occurence these days but eventually he understood it was the effect of having nothing more to hide.

"Rather proud of you." he folded his paper and smirked but without meanace.  
"I'm screwed anyway." Sam sighed and let his head fall a little lower as he leaned on the table.  
"Here." Gabriel forced his freshly brewed cup of coffee into Sam's hands. "And don't worry, this is the way it was always meant to be." he patted Sam's palm.

God, if the kid were to mess things up so massively, Gabriel would be the one to pay for it.

"No, you don't get it." Sam shook his head sadly. "Dean still wants to date me and I kinda..." he trailed off.  
"You kinda what?" Gabriel's heart would beat dangerously fast, if he weren't technically dead.  
"I didn't say no once and for all." Sam blushed.  
"Oh no, you have to!" Gabriel blurted out.  
"He thinks it's just because I'm afraid of commitment, or being with a man, or this sort of crap..." Sam hid his face in his palms.  
"You gotta tell him it's not gonna work. Like ever." Gabriel sounded harsher than he intended to. "Trust me, it will hurt both of you less now. Or at least it will hurt him less, since he didn't have time to get too attached."  
"I wanna be friends with him..." Sam made a pouty face.  
"Hasn't life taught you yet that it never really works?" Gabriel rolled his eyes.  
"But I need him." Sam yelped.  
"You are being a big, dead baby, Sam Winchester." Gabriel finally felt frustration crawling under his skin. "Man up and tell him it's over. Say you've made a mistake, or that it was a bet you couldn't win, something like that. And in the meantime..." he stuck his hand into his bag and pulled out a pair of sticky notes. "These are your two for today. Good luck."

Sam exhaled heavily and took a look at the names. Ah yes, two most distant parts of the town with only twenty minutes separating the deaths. Typical.

***

When Sam finally arrived at the bar, he was totally worn out and felt absolutely useless. His shift was so damn long and he just wanted to fall right onto his face and sleep on the cold, hard floor. Fucking nightmare. It really was no fun to run through the whole town only to find out he had to climb ten more floors up to reach an accidental suicider. Had the guy fallen out of the window, everything would flow much smoother for Sam but no, dude had to take some experimental drugs made out of powder for vaginal infections and went so high he couldn't find his way down. No wonder the gate to his paradise smelled of weed and suspiciously sparkled with all the colours that Sam could imagine.

The physical effort was exhausting but it wasn't his main problem. He was feeling twice as bad because he really needed to talk to Dean. Dean, with whom he had spent possibly the nicest and happiest night of his life, both the regular and the undead one. They had cuddled a little as Dean was secretly a real cuddle whore, which Sam immensely enjoyed. They had watched a movie and drunk three mugs of cocoa each. Then they had fallen asleep together on the couch and Sam almost wished he hadn't woken up an hour later, since he had felt guilty enough to tuck Dean into a blanket and live him alone for the rest of the night. He wished he had had balls to stay with Dean but Dean had been muttering in the sleep, calling his real name, and Sam just couldn't stand that. In the morning Dean was gone, the only sign of his presence a small card with scribbled "Thank you" on top of the neatly folded blanket.

Sam wondered whether Dean would even appear in the bar. If he didn't, this would save Sam a lot of stress but as it turned out two hours later, he didn't have such a luck.

Dean stormed in as usual and quickly took a sit right in front of Sam, smiling sheepishly and blushing furiously, probably at the memory of the kisses they shared right in that spot. Sam sent him a weak smile and served other clients, before finally approaching him with hesitation.

"Hello, Dean." he said with his throat tight.  
"Hi, Cas." Dean smiled, a hint of anxious supsicion appearing in his eyes.  
"I believe we need to talk." Sam made an apologetic face.  
"Yeah, we do." Dean agreed. "I'm not a fan of any chick-flick moments though, especially with people around." he eyed other clients. "How about you come tomorrow for a dinner at my place?" his eyes were big as he looked at Sam. "We can talk uninterrupted and figure things out. What do you say, Cas?"

Sam eyed him warily and estimated the chances of things going terrible. Yeah, they were totally both going to be devastated.

"Sure." he said, trying to hold back a grimace of pain.  
"Awesome." Dean smiled, probably thinking this was all just about some sort of gay freak out he could help Sam deal with easily. "Here's the adress." he slid a small, possibly prepared beforehand, card towards Sam. "Is seven okay?"  
"Probably." Sam thought about a possible reap; he had to hope no one planned on dying in a very inappropriate time.

***

As they usually don't say, tomorrow has come. Sam walked into the cafe with a huge lump in his throat. Gabriel was sitting there, somehow way more relaxed than usual. Sam sat down heavily.

"Hyia, Samsquatch." Gabriel girnned. "Fancy some pumpkin coffee?"  
Sam glared at him. "Just give me the names." he said gravely.  
"Dude, no names today!" Gabriel's grin grew wider.  
"What?" Sam frowned. "Today is not April Fools, right?"  
"No, it's Halloween." Gabriel leaned a bit towards Sam.  
"Ah yes, that explains, let's see..." Sam made a thoughtful face. "Nothing."  
"Oh, don't be such a grump." Gabriel's mood seemed to be unaltered. "And guess what? You're totally free tonight too."  
"Like from my human job?" Sam's eyes went wider. "Why? And how?"  
"A gift from upstairs." Gabriel tossed a cup towards Sam. "It's HALLOWEEN. C'mon, Sammy, let's celebrate!"  
"Don't call me that." Sam stood up abruptly, his mood even worse than before; that nickname somehow triggered him really badly. "The free time is convenient since I have some matters I need to attend. I'd better get going now. See you." he didn't look at Gabriel again and walked out quickly.

"Matters to attend?" Gabriel muttered to himself, furrowing his brow. "I hope it's just... Oh God." his eyes went wide as he suddenly understood Sam's words; a memory of that day they had their Reapers 101 talk hit him hard, him wanting to say this one last thing, the waitress approaching them... "Oh my fucking God. He doesn't know..."

Gabriel almost spilled the coffee all over the table as he jumped up. There was literally no time.

***

Sam chose not to go back home. He wouldn't be able to sit through the whole day anyway. Instead, he 'borrowed' himself a car and drove out of the town to wander around on his own in blessed silence.

Fucking Halloween, it was bringing back too many memories. He had almost forgotten it was coming but Gabriel just had to remind him. Fantastic.

Sam felt sick with worry and couldn't really unwind, even though such calm places usually helped him. He kept checking his watch and with an actual relief greeted the right time to go to Dean. He got into the car and took a deep breath. This had to be done.

***

There was no sign of Sam anywhere and Gabriel was slowly losing his shit. He kept running between different places around the town and he found exactly nothing. That was until he sat down on a bench with resignation and machinally begun observing the passing cars. Inside one of them he spotted Sam or at least someone who looked like him a lot.

That car was going down the street slowly but in somehow determined way. It looked as if the driver was searching for an adress. Gabriel jumped up and run after him, staying behind a bit but stil having him in sight.

And then the car pulled over.

Gabriel still had about two hundred meters to run so he sped up, seeing Sam get out of it and approach a neat, small house.  
"Sam!" Gabriel shouted, watching him reach towards the doorbell.

Sam didn't hear him and rung. It was too late when Gabriel realised what kind of matters Sam had meant. He realised he should have been running, as if the fate of the whole world was on his shoulders because it totally was.

"Sam!" he shrieked in terror, already knowing it was pointless.

Sam turned towards him, his brow furrowed but then the door opened and he ignored Gabriel to look at the house owner who obviously was Dean. Dean, whose eyes went wide as he saw the man before him. Dean, who went comically pale over the course of a second.

Dean, whose heart skipped a beat as he whispered "Sam?" with disbelief.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam was frozen to the spot. Did Dean just recognize him? His thoughts were racing as Dean slowly raised his hand and touched his cheek gently, as if checking he really was material. Sam involuntarily leaned into this hesitant caress.

"It's you..." Dean whispered, examining every inch of his face with careful sight. "But how?"

Sam parted his lips to say something but then he realised he didn't have any good words. He glanced at Gabriel. Gabriel was standing at the fence, gripping it so tight, his knuckles went white. Sam could see his jaw set and eyes full of terror. So this was happening for real.

"It's me, Dean." he finally said, looking back into his brother's eyes, green and so full of disbelief and hope. "And I believe we need to sit down for a talk."

***

Sam noticed that Dean just couldn't stop staring. He figured out he would do the same, were the situations reversed. Gabriel followed them inside without a word but Dean probably hadn't acknowledged his presence anyway.

"What's happening, Sam?" Dean was shaky. "Am I dead too? God, I had a date..." he shook his head in regret.  
"You're most certainly not dead, that's one thing I know for sure." Sam licked his lip nervously. "However, I in a way am. I'm a reaper, Dean."  
"A what?" Dean frowned.  
"A reaper." Sam repeated calmly. "I'm guiding souls of dead people to their heavens."  
"You're joking, right?" Dean smiled a smile that looked more like a grimace. "You've faked your death, admit it."  
"I'm afraid I haven't." Sam shook his head. "And there's more to it..." he glanced at Gabriel, seeking for help.

"I'm a reaper too and you might remember me when I was sporting a beard ang going under the name Benny." Gabriel came to the rescue and Dean finally noticed his presence with a slight surprise. "And there really is more to it because you see... Sam here is now... not one hundred percent Sam in every sense of this word, except for Halloween, of course, as you can see with your own eyes."  
"Come again?" Dean blinked few times, raising up. "This is my brother but it also isn't? What the hell?" he was clearly starting to panic.  
"He **is** Sam, if you mean his soul and mind." Gabriel made him sit back down with his calm and sure tone. "But except for today, which is after all a day of the dead, he roams around as... well..." Gabriel stuttered.  
"I'm Castiel." Sam choked it out.

Dean was obviously dumbstruck and Sam really regretted not dumping him as soon as they started flirting. He should have left that job, forget about Dean and move on. Just as Gabriel advised.

"I'm going mad, right?" Dean finally spoke. "I'm fucking nuts and I'm imagining things, seeing and hearing them. Ha, it's probably God's punishment." he raised up and waved his fist at the ceiling. "Screw you too!" he growled and then bursted out with hysterical laughter, falling back onto the sofa. "That's one fucking awful joke." he hid his face in his palms and started sobbing silently.

Sam glanced at Gabriel and Gabriel looked down, sorry for letting this happen. Sam felt like crying too but instead he moved to Dean's side and gently grabbed his wrists. Dean immediately curled his legs close to himself and tried to wave him off.  
"Go away!" he hissed. "Leave me alone! You're just a hallucination sent to make me suffer."  
"Look at me, Dean." Sam couldn't allow him to torture himself any longer. "I am real. This is real. Think for a moment, this **does** make sense."  
"No!" Dean was still fighting him albeit weaker, until he finally allowed him to pull his hands away from his face. His eyes were watery as they met Sam's.

"Dean..." Sam whispered in a low voice, looking at him the way he did as Cas.

Dean's eyes went wide as he took in greedily every feature of Sam, comparing the feelings shown on it to the ones he had seen on Cas. Seeing his expression, Gabriel realised he probably wasn't needed or wanted there anymore so he quickly sneaked out of the room, leaving them alone to figure things out. They haven't even noticed.

Dean slowly raised his hand and touched Sam's lips, barely brushing the soft skin. Sam observed his concentrated face with fascination. Dean's fingers were cold and gentle and Sam shivered, leaning into the touch. Dean felt him tremble and looked him back in the eyes.

"So you are him..." he whispered.  
"I am." Sam nodded and then softly kissed Dean's fingertip.

The colour was rapidly returning onto Dean's cheeks as he saw it, saw in Sam's eyes the same thing he had seen in Castiel's. This mysterious mix of affection and lust he only now could begin to understand.

"That's why he... **you** stopped." the realisation didn't hit him, more like came to him slowly.  
"Yes." Sam gripped Dean's wrist and kissed his fingertips one more time before taking his palm into his own. "I couldn't tell you the truth but I also couldn't lie to you. I thought you wouldn't want to do this with me, if you knew. It would be unfair of me to use you like that." Sam smiled softly. "To be honest, I came here today to say we can't keep seeing each other. I didn't know you would see the real me, Gabriel forgot to tell me about this Halloween magic."

"I'm glad I did see you though." Dean lowered his gaze for a while, toying with Sam's hand. "And Sam... I feel really guilty. For imagining myself with Castiel after so many years of imagining myself with you..."  
"You mean...?" Sam's eyes went wide.  
"Yeah, I'm such a fuck-up." Dean chuckled wryly. "Truth is, I've always wanted you like that. I've missed you when you were at Stanford. I was proud, of course, but I wished you have stayed with me. When you returned I thought we got a chance but then it happened, you died and I considered offing myself too. I couldn't carry on without you." he smiled weakly. "And don't you ever mock me for this moment of honesty 'cause I'm probably never gonna open up again."

Sam smiled back at him, his eyes slowly starting to sparkle with joy. "Does it mean you really...?"  
"Want to be with you?" Dean's eyes were twinkling too. "Hell, yeah, unless you don't want me."  
"Oh, Dean, I do." suddenly Sam's face dropped. "But tomorrow I'm gonna be Castiel again for a year."  
Dean bit his lip. "Doesn't matter." he decided. "I'll know it's you, Sammy, I'll know..."

It was as if sunshine enlightened Sam's face and Dean couldn't help himself any longer. He grabbed Sam's head and pulled him into a kiss. Sam melted into it, loving the way was giving him all he had. Their lips and tongues battled lazily but more desperately than in the bar. This kiss was the final confirmation for Dean because Sam kissed just the way Cas did, he could feel the same butterflies fluttering in his stomach and the same warmth pooling in his gut. He loved every bit of it.

"God, Sam..." he wheezed, pulling back for a moment. "I think I've fallen in love with you all over again."  
Sam blushed upon hearing that statement. "That's good to hear, especially as I might be in love too." he lowered his gaze sheepishly and watched as Dean slid his hand into his palm.  
"Come with me." Dean raised up and Sam eyed him shyly, following his cue.

Dean led him to his bedroom.

There was something intoxicating in the way things were slowly heating up, Dean taking Sam's shirt off, taking his time, worshipping Sam's body with his hands and mouth, as if hyperaware he wouldn't get to have this for the next long year. It was in a way heartbreaking to see him so focused on every inch of Sam's skin and Sam wanted this sadness gone. He cupped Dean's face and pulled him back into a kiss, the press of his lips delicate and soothing. Dean closed his eyes, blushing as a soft whine escaped his mouth. Sam watched as a single tear rolled down Dean's cheek. He kissed it off once it reached the jawline.

"I love you." he whispered silently, kissing the wet trace off the freckled skin. "I love you, Dean."  
Dean just trembled, his shoulders tensing. His lips fell apart as Sam kept kissing his eyelids, licking the salty drops off his eyelashes.  
"I want you, Sammy." his voice was small. "Never leave me again. I need you."  
"I won't leave, I promise." Sam whispered, pressing a kiss to Dean's forehead.

At that, Dean opened his eyes and grabbed Sam's forearms, squeezing them slightly. Sam smiled delicately, trailing the lines of Dean's cheekbones with the tips of his fingers. They remained caught in the moment until Dean leaned forward and hesitantly kissed Sam on the lips. Sam responded gently, wanting this to last forever. His hands slid down along Dean's sides and up underneath his shirt, slowly raising it up.

It was as if the touch of his hands on Dean's stomach set him off. Losing all his fear, Dean growled and gripped Sam tight, grinding against his muscular body. Sam groaned in response, digging his fingers into Dean's flesh and pulling him closer to find the friction. It unleashed Dean's lust completely, making him pull on Sam's clothes, rip them off him, baring his body for his eyes finally to see. Sam clawed onto Dean's shirt as Dean was just looking, not touching him yet. He craved the sight too and Dean understood that, guiding Sam's hands to help him undress.

Sam couldn't help but admire his brother's beauty, the perfect proportions and the faintest blush that coloured his skin in such a tempting way. Sam had never wanted anyone this much. And Dean... Dean wanted him too. In his own body just as much as in Castiel's. Sam feared his heart could burst out of his chest. With a new wave of lust and love he attacked Dean's mouth, burying his hands in his hair and pushing him onto the bed. Dean whined minutely, locking Sam's thigh between his legs and grinding against him, desperate for the friction and for him.

"Sammy, Sammy..." he whispered between the kissed, barely aware of tears pooling in his eyes again as Sam kept swiping them away with his tender hands. "I want to feel you for real. In me. Please."  
"Okay." Sam muttered, kissing his forehead. "I'm here."  
"I missed you." Dean looked into his eyes. "I love you."  
"I know." Sam smiled, feeling a little bit teary. "I couldn't let you go."  
"I'm glad you didn't." Dean smiled back.  
"I can feel that." Sam grinned, wriggling against Dean's erection.  
"Bitch." Dean huffed, his cheeks becoming visibly redder.  
"Jerk." Sam winked, moving again and eliciting another yelp from Dean. "You happen to have supplies?"  
"Second drawer." Dean groaned as Sam stretched over him to reach the bed table.

Sam rummaged in it and having found what he was looking for, he returned to his previous position. "You sure about this, Dean?"  
"Absolutely." Dean gulped, his pupils dilating as Sam opened the tube. "Just... go slowly."  
"Of course." Sam's face softened and he leaned down to kiss Dean again before sliding his slick hand between Dean's legs and circling his hole.

Dean inhaled sharply as Sam grazed his entrance. This slim finger entering him was already almost too much because it was **Sam**.

"Oh fuck." he cried out silently and Sam stopped his exploration.  
"You want me to stop?" he asked tensely.  
"No, no, go on." Dean cupped Sam's face. "Please. It's just... I've always wanted this."  
"Me too." Sam confessed, leaning into Dean's caress. "God, I've always wanted you so much."  
"Fullfill our dreams then." Dean shifted a little, forcing Sam's finger deeper into himself. "Fuck, Sammy." he whimpered.

Sam enjoyed taking him apart. Slowly he kept stretching Dean open, making him twist and moan, beg for more and hold onto Sam tighter. Dean was just too perfect and Sam realised he would never be able to love anyone else as much as he loved his brother.

"Do it, Sam." Dean pulled him into a forceful kiss. "Take me, I'm ready."

Sam was ready too. He closed his eyes as he felt Dean's strong muscles stretch around him and the clench, trapping him inside. He let out a breathy moan, bottoming out in this wonderful heat. He barely recognised his name amongst all the incoherent little sounds Dean was making as he moved in him. Sam was kissing them off Dean's lips, entwining their pleas together. He was there to swallow the final cry coming out of Dean's throat as they came together, reaching their peaks with backs arched and eyes closed.

Sam collapsed into the warmth of Dean's space, holding onto him for dear life. His skin was prickling with sweat along his spine, when Dean embraced him, inhaling the scent of their ecstasy.

"Dean, Dean..." Sam kept mumbling as Dean's hands soothed his skin.  
"Shhh..." Dean run his fingers up Sam's neck and through his hair.  
"I love you." Sam whined weakly, nuzzling into Dean's chest.

Dean smiled, continuing to caress him. Maybe they were about to face a really hard challenge but if his sixth sense wasn't wrong, and it rarely was, they were also about to have the best and the sweetest time of their lives. Whatever was coming their way, it was definitely worth it, he could already tell. Cooing silently the words of love, he kissed the crown of Sam's head, cradling him in his arms. One hour with Sam was worth more than a lifetime without him.


	5. EPILOGUE: Ten Years Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bonus because I decided to kill you with feels and fluff. I hope you love me still :)

"So that's it?" Dean didn't look particularly sad.  
"I'm afraid so." Sam tilted his head a little, a gesture he developed only after his death.  
"And I really have to go out there?" Dean didn't sound hopeful either.  
"Yes." Sam nodded. "It won't hurt though, I promise."  
"I know." Dean bit his lip. "I just... I just wanna say I was happy, you know? You made me happy."  
Sam smiled, feeling tears gather underneath his eyelids. "Save a place for me there, will you?" he had to stop his voice from trembling.  
"Sure." Dean smirked and then froze for a second before taking a step forward and closing the gap between them.

Sam leaned into the kiss, cupping Dean's face. As his hand slid across Dean's cheek a golden glow lit up the trail it marked.

"It's done." he whispered, gently pulling back.  
"Okay." Dean inhaled deeply. "Guess I'll see you in a moment then?"  
"Yeah." Sam let go of him hesitantly.  
"Good." Dean glanced at him one more time and then couragously walked out of the house.

Sam didn't look after him. He didn't look through the window. It was enough that he heard an awful screech of car tires. The thud that followed wasn't something that he could easily accept. It was real though. Sam took a look around their house, feeling his chest heavy and gut twisting. The time had come, he had to say goodbye. With his dead heart poudning heavily, he stepped outside.

Dean was there, looking at the scene before him with morbid fascination. Sam placed a hand on his shoulder, wordlessly asking him to turn around. Dean looked at him and sighed, eyeing his face. He slowly raised his hand to touch his cheek.

"It's time, Dean." Sam hated those words, they had never meant this much before.

Dean nooded absently, looking into his eyes. A bright light fell on their faces and they both turned to look at Dean's gate. Sam could swear he was able to smell apple pie, their mother's perfumes and the languid scent of Evening Stock they sowed in their garden every year. He couldn't hold his tears back any longer. Dean grabbed his hand and squeezed it delicately.

"I don't wanna go without you." he said. "It's not really heaven without you."  
"I'll join you one day." Sam closed his eyes, letting the tears stream down his face.  
Dean shifted a little and pulled Sam's hand minutely. "Sam..." his voice sounded different now but Sam didn't notice.  
"I promise, Dean." Sam took a deep breath. "You gotta let go now."  
"Sam..." Dean was now urging him to listen. "I **can't** let go." he squeezed Sam's palm harder.  
"What?" Sam frowned, finally looking at him.  
"I am physically unable to let go of your hand." Dean looked at him owlishly.

Just to try it for himself, Sam made an effort to slip it out of Dean's grip. To no avail.

"Dean, it's not funny." he yanked harder. "Please, don't torture me like that."  
"Sam!" Dean grabbed Sam's chin with his other hand, making their gazes meet again. "Listen up, it's not a joke!" a sheepish hopeful smile appeared on his face. "Don't you get it? It's real!"  
"What is?" Sam was just confused and hurting; this was painful enough even without all the unnecessary prolongation.  
"This." Dean raised their linked hands. " **Us** , Sammy. I can't let go because if I did, this wouldn't be my heaven. **You** are my heaven and you go in there with me." a grin of joyful dibelief replaced the shy smile. "You're my heaven and I'm yours, isn't it simple enough?"

The next breath got caught in Sam's throat. He carefully looked into Dean's eyes and realised that Dean believed. Dean believed that Sam was an irreplaceable part of his paradise and as far as heavens worked, his belief was enough to make it all true. To allow Sam to go on. Sam's eyes lit up with happiness.

"It is." he whispered and chuckled, leaning his forehead against Dean's.

Dean let out a happy squeal, rubbing his nose against Sam's. "Death was never able to keep us apart." he muttered.  
"God, Gabriel will be pissed..." Sam grinned.  
"I couldn't care less." Dean inhaled deeply and then pulled back a bit. "Shall we go now?"  
Sam squeezed his palm instead of answering and Dean swayed a little like an excited child. "On three." he said. "One... Two..."

And they run together, their hands linked and faces shining with pure joy, until the golden light of heaven embraced them with its motherly warmth, taking them to a place where nothing and no one could ever try to pull them apart again.


End file.
